The Dangers of a Swearing Alter Ego (circa 2011)

I totally forgot about this post. It was like reading a letter from an old friend except it was me, a funny lighter hearted version of me. When I blogged in the beginning I posted more often, and without worrying about everything having to be perfect. I've gotten hard on myself over the last decade.

My daughter laughed last night and said, "Your brain doesn't stop mom - it must be exhausting!"

It's true. The culmination of life experiences and knowing how late in the game it is for me - is overwhelming at times.

Time to go back to writing about it all instead of talking about it. At least it would give me something to read and maybe laugh about later in my 60's.

I'm ok with being judged on my poor punctuation or misuse of time and tense for the sake of writing more frequently. Send me your editorial notes in the comments if it makes you feel better.

In case you missed the title, some might find the following offensive.

This one is for you Sissy!

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I was raised on cuss words. Two New Yorker's for parents and three older siblings meant there was little I didn't hear from an early age. I noticed how words were combined, how they were enunciated differently depending on the context. I noticed the visible release it provided to the sayer, a momentary relief of the angst at hand.

As an adult I've found it to be true, that nothing climaxes a moment of discontent better than a string of well orchestrated swear words...

For example.

Someone cuts you off while driving; what better than a - "you m*ther fking son of a bitch - you coulda killed my g*dd@m family," to vent your panic?

Or when you can't find what you are looking for... "Shit! Shit! Shit! - What the hell did I do with my f%ckin keys!" is the natural bubbling over of frustration with yourself as you pace frantically looking. It just feels more effective than searching silently.

Or when you're sitting across the table from someone you know and they say something so rude - so unbelievable - so gallish - that the only appropriate response from any dignified adult is to say "F*ck you..."

But I have two big problems when my swearing alter ego shows up...

First and not as important, is that in Stepford, where I live, people don't swear; and certainly not ladies. Apparently by doing so, one lowers their position of deserving respect...

"It is ungodly," he says.

"It is undignified," he says.

"Fuck you," I say.

No I didn't...

Not then.

It's not a productive way to address things in Stepford.

Second and most important are my little ones, who like me, are sponges. They love to come tattle on the other one saying a swear. By being so noble as to come report the crime, they TOO get the chance to say it.

"But I didn't really say it." they say.

"I was just telling you THEY said it!"

... and you know - no one would be saying it, if they didn't hear it from you...

POSTSCRIPT

My kids are now 17 & 18 and would have caught up without my contribution.

And I, no longer have a swearing alter ego.

Instead, I have a fully integrated vocabulary whether I'm in f*cking Stepford,

or anywhere else...